Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
