I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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