I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
