Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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