I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
