I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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