that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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