Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
