Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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