I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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