lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
