East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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