I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
