He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
birth control should be required to get into college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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