Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
