The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
