Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
