You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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