It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he thought i was a dude.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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