As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
