I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
