I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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