i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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