I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
