remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I didn't notice because vodka
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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