I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
