My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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