I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
