This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
