life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
