there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
