Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
