I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
