The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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