Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
