She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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