when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
