Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
