remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize