this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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