If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
