I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There r osticjed everywhere
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
