My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
