sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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