Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
