Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
