I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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