She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
