Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
