i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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