So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
