I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
