this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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