On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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