You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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