Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
