I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
