I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
