im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Acid is not a monday night drug
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize