a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
