Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize