Grow some girl-balls and come out already
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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