The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
