I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I deserve this hangover.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
