Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
