Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
