I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
