i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
